The S Project

Use this line: "What exactly is a bergamot, anyway?"
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I think I heard about one word in ten. The man could talk, no question about it. But he was so interested in himself that I'm not sure he even knew I was there. Theo fancied himself an oenophile, and was blathering on about this wine and that.

I don't like phonies. And I was definitely getting the phony vibe from Theo. So I decided to test him. "What exactly is a bergamot, anyway?" I asked innocently.

"Aah, bergamot," he smiled knowingly. "Have you ever had bergamot? It is a warm, rich red wine from Italy. It's very," he paused--searching for just the right word-- "subtle."

I smiled slightly, successfully repressing a snicker.

Encouraged by my response, he went on talking about wine. He had evidently been reassured of my complete ignorance, and felt free to continue my education.

Okay. He's a phony. Time to bring him down. The waiter hovered nearby, and I signaled him over. "I'd like a cup of Earl Grey, please."

"Certainly. And you, sir?"

"That sounds wonderful. I'll have one as well."

As we sipped our hot teas, Theo commented on the unusual flavor.

I smiled. "It's bergamot."

"I beg your pardon?" he asked, stiffly.

"Bergamot. The Bergamot orange gives Earl Grey tea its unique flavor."

He didn't move.

I continued. "Bergamot is also available in essential oils, and is good for skin conditions and halitosis. You might want to give it a try." I signaled the waiter and paid for my meal.

I looked at Theo, observing the red creeping up his face. "If you had actually conversed with me, instead of lecturing me, you might have learned that I'm a sommelier. Then you would have avoided looking like an idiot, and we might have had a second date."

I left. I know I was cruel, but life is too short for me to saddle myself with narcissistic imbeciles.