What a Frustrating Day!

Yesterday morning on my way to work, I stopped by the post office hoping to pick up a form I needed to fix the mess they've made of my mail. I walked through the outer door and then proceeded to walk into a glass wall, banging my face hard! I reeled back, realized there was another door that led into the lobby, and staggered through it. To add insult to injury, the post office didn't have any forms in their lobby. Grateful that no one had been there to see my klutziness and aware that had someone sent a video to America's Funniest Videos, it probably would have won, I made my way to the car, in tears because of the pain.

It hurt all day and all night and, in fact, still hurts. Let's just say that if I didn't wear bangs, I'd need to wear a sign that says, "No, my husband doesn't beat me." In fact, he's just as sweet as he can be, most of the time.

I'm assuming that it's because of my injury, but most of my day seemed to go downhill from there, and that happened at 6:50 a.m. It was month-end, so I had a myriad of reports to do for the first time. That took longer than it will in the future because I had to completely rework the reports because the format they were in was virtually unreadable. My printer kept acting up, and I am embarrassed to admit that I cussed it out roundly, albeit silently. I had to repent for that, and I did, believe me. I was in tears much of the day from pain and frustration. Then last night I tried to call my mom in Utah, and was utterly dismayed to find out that Sprint, despite the hour I spent on the phone with them on 11/23 making payment arrangements, has suspended my service because I'm behind on the payment. I did keep my end of the payment arrangements, so I burst into tears when I found that out. I didn't talk with them last night; their call center is in India and I didn't feel up to repeating everything I said three times or asking the CSR to repeat everything s/he said three times. I did send an e-mail to Sprint explaining the situation. I hope they will rectify it.

As a result of everything I experienced and felt yesterday, I ate a little more than I've been in the habit of eating. Amazing how it's so easy to drift back to using food as comfort. I can't say that I was truly hungry each time I put something in my mouth. However, I still wrote everything down, and I still have plenty of flex points for the rest of my week.

Joe called me last night on his way home, and I asked him to bring me a treat. See? There's that comfort thing. So when he got home, he gave me a Subway sandwich. But I'd already eaten a sandwich for dinner, so I thanked him and said I'd take it for lunch today. (I didn't--he and the dog already ate it). He also brought a few slices of cheesecake, and I thanked him and said I might have a bite or two today. He brought some beautiful pink roses, and I thanked him and put them in a vase. And he brought me a box of Dove chocolates cookies. I ate one, savored every nibble of flavor, and put the rest away.

So I'm learning. It may be slow and gradual, but I'm beginning to understand that it's as important to enjoy the journey as it is to enjoy the destination. Perhaps that's why I've always failed before in my attempts to lose weight and keep it off, because I was racing hellbent for leather to get to the destination without taking the time and thought to enjoy the journey.

I also refuse to categorize any item of food as good or bad. People can behave well or badly, but an item of food is just that--food. And I'm not good or bad because of what I eat. My food choices aren't good or bad; they're wise or foolish, depending on what my goals are, how much I consume, etc.

Why should I let my enjoyment of life be ruled by whether I was "good" or "bad?" Eating a bite of cheesecake, if I choose to, doesn't make me bad. A bite of cheesecake, if nibbled very slowly, is delicious, rich tasting, and very satisfying. Eating a whole slice of cheesecake, while more points than I'd probably care to spend, isn't bad. Eating a whole cheesecake isn't bad, but it would be exceedingly foolish, should one even be able to do so!

So here I am today, and on the way to work I wanted to stop at McDonald's and get a sausage biscuit, or stop at Whataburger and get a breakfast-on-a-bun or stop at Sonic and get a breakfast burrito. I didn't. I came to work and ate my Kashi cereal and got going. I'm still in control!