The Blind Date

This is for the S-Project. As always, comments/criticism are welcome. I have no idea, of course, what was really going on in his head. For what was going on in my head, I was living in a city where I knew NO ONE. I was lonely, answered a personals ad. Regretted it. Yes, I was heavy. My teeth are crooked. His teeth were FURRY. I'm sure he was a perfectly nice guy and I was a shallow bitch. But I'm really happy with my husband; we've been married for about a week shy of 15 years; so I'm really glad that I was a shallow bitch when I had my one date with this poor guy here. And I hope that he's happily married and has as many kids as he wanted and has a beautiful wonderful life. (And I didn't mind that he wasn't Kevin Costner. His teeth just really squicked me out. I don't mind crooked or yellow teeth. I mind furry teeth.)

*****


My mother talked me into it. "You've got to meet a nice girl," she said. "You don't get out enough," she said. "A nice boy like you should get married, have children," she said.

So I placed the ad. "SWM, IBM Engineer, ISO SWF, intelligent, fun-loving." I didn't know what else to say. I couldn't exactly ask for a supermodel. I wasn't blind. The mirror told me the facts. I knew that I didn't exactly look like Kevin Costner or whoever the girls were drooling over.

I got a few letters, emphasis on the word "few." And of those few, only one really stood out. All the words were spelled correctly; she obviously had a sense of humor. I decided to call her.

She sounded nice on the phone. She didn't have one of those hideous, grating laughs that I couldn't stand. She admitted that she was a little heavy, but I didn't mind that. We decided to meet at the mall, and go see a movie or something, and play it by ear.

I was so nervous that day. I made mistake after mistake at work, and finally gave up and cut out early. I took a shower, shaved, and in my nervousness spilled half the bottle down my shirt. I had to take another shower, but I still just reeked of the stuff. I was about 10 minutes late because of the extra shower. I stunk. I was so nervous that I was sweating. Way to make a good impression, dork!

She was waiting where she said she would be. I could tell that she was worried I'd stood her up. She looked a little nervous, a little antsy. She looked pretty. She was heavy, like she said, but not grotesque or anything. She had dark brown hair, a pretty smile. Her teeth were crooked. She was wearing a dark red shirt and black pants. When I came up and said her name hesitantly, she looked blankly at me for a moment, and then smiled at me.

We went to see some movie she suggested. I thought it was going to be a chick flick, some dancing movie, but it was actually pretty good. It turned into an adventure movie, these people escaping from the Soviet Union. "White Nights," I think it was called.

After the movie was over, we sat around and talked for a while. I really enjoyed her company. She was funny and smart. I like her, I thought. I was already thinking about some fun things we could do together. I walked her out to her car, but as we got closer to her car, she started getting skittish. She practically ran the last fifteen feet, calling her good-byes hastily behind her.

Weird. I put it behind me and went on home, whistling. Maybe she hadn't noticed the overdose of aftershave.

I waited two or three days, then called to see if she wanted to get together the next Friday night. She was busy, she said regretfully. Okay, then, how about Saturday? Well, she was busy then, too. Okay, um, next weekend, maybe? Well, no, she was busy then, too.

I'm a little slow on the uptake, okay? So I guess it's not entirely her fault. I guess I pushed her into it. How about the week after that? No, she was busy then, too, in fact, she was really sorry, but she was going to be pretty busy for the forseeable future.

I hung up the phone, a little stunned. We'd had such a good time, I thought. Bitch!