The stream that runs with rapid flow from rocks to roses

Raucous. Raucous raucous raucous raucous raucous. I was reading a few old posts today, and that word came up a few times. I seem to like it a lot. raucous. It describes a lot of the music I listen to when I'm in a foul mood. Foul is another word I like a lot. It's worse than being in a bad mood. When I'm in a foul mood I want The Clash. London's Burning. Don't look at me don't talk to me don't even attempt to intrude upon my personal space go away and for the love of mike don't say faith! You gotta have it! whaddaya gotta have, faith? ya gotta have it! I love bill, he's a sweetie, but there are some days that if he says that to me one more time I'm going to tell him exactly what he's gotta have!
raucous
It's a very satisfying word. It starts with a nice rrrrroowrrrr and then moves into an aww and then finishes with a nice hearty cuss.
raucous

No, I'm not in a foul mood today. I need to go pee again, for the billionth time this week. Only the thousandth time today. That's what happens when you drink a million gallons of water in a week. You pee, pee, pee, pee, pee. What's really scary is when you fall into a nightly pee schedule. You wake up to pee at 11:30 (if you happen to be already asleep at 11:30, which I sometimes am) and 3:30. Only last night I missed my 11:30 pee, and woke up at 1:48. And then I missed my 3:30 pee, so I was dying when I woke up at 5:45. And I've been so tired ever since employee appreciation day ended that when I finished the 5:45 pee, I very foolishly lay back down on my bed. Of course I fell asleep again. I'm not quite sure what woke me up, but I ended sleeping until 6:15. Fortunately, the out-of-state VP is back in his home state, or at least out of my state, so I don't have to be at work at 6:30 in order to have his morning reports printed by 7:30. I get to be at work at 7. I made it on time.

The big event I was working on went very well. Mostly. Almost. Kindof. There were two accidents. One was just a total freak accident. Someone went to the emergency room. Yeah. The other accident happened because someone broke the rules. I feel really horrible about both accidents, even though I had nothing to do with either of them, but having someone get hurt when you were planning a day for people to have fun is really depressing. I don't like people getting hurt. Anyway, I don't wanna talk about it anymore. So I won't.

I have done PERFECTLY on my WW plan this week. I wrote down everything I ate. Followed the healthy guidelines. Sucked down the water, ate whole grains, plenty o' fruit and vegetables, lean proteins, two teaspoons of "good" oils per day, two servings of dairy per day, got in my vitamins, got plenty of exercise. I haven't eaten anything I shouldn't have eaten. I've hardly used any of my weekly points allowance. My scale at home budged beautifully. I finally broke the plateau, got over the same 2-3 pounds I've been playing with for the last month or so. Tomorrow morning I get to weigh in at Weight Watchers. Let's see if their scale cooperates as nicely as my scale at home has. I know the numbers won't be the same; my scale seems to be a few pounds lower, plus I don't get to weigh naked at Weight Watchers, which has to count for a few ounces at least.

When I think that 5 years ago I had lost 70 pounds, to get HALFWAY to my goal, and here I am trying once more to lose the same damned 70 pounds, to get HALFWAY to that same damned goal, I get so ticked off at myself. What happened? Why did I do it? Why didn't I just stop? Why did I let myself get so fat again? I had gotten down to 205 pounds, and now here I am delighted because my scale at home is finally registering down below 260 pounds. It's absolutely disgusting! I HATE being fat. I hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it. I'm not a fat person. I'm just not. I get surprised every time I look in the mirror and see all this fat blubber, because I'm not fat. The intrinsic person, my essence, the me-ness, the whatever that makes me me, isn't fat. So how is it that I'm fat?

I can say that when I lost the 70 pounds before I never changed my eating habits. I ate less of the same crap, but I ate the same crap. I didn't change the way I thought, I didn't change my focus. That probably has a lot to do with it. I think I also thought of it as something temporary, that I would have to do until I got "skinny," and then I could do whatever I wanted. Which of course would mean that I would get fat again. Now I'm determined that I will go to WW forever. And I refuse to be depressed by the thought. I'd rather go to WW forever and stay healthy and slim than stay away from WW and be a fat depressed old biddy. I'd rather go to WW wearing cute sexy clothes from Newport News than stay away from it and wear ugly clothes from Roamans or Lane Bryant catalog (not that I would wear them anyway, because they're fugly beyond belief).

Moving on to something else, if you're getting tired of water and want a little flavor, Target has these flavored spring waters by Archer Farms. I recommend the apple spring water. Very tasty. Calorie free, of course, or I wouldn't be recommending them. I also like my vitamin waters. They're 3 points a bottle, so I only have one a day, but they're worth it to me. It helps me with the vitamin intake, and they're good, and I like 'em a lot!

Raucous! London's Burning! I've got to go get my pissed-off mix CD back from my boss. I loaned it to him on Wednesday so he could listen to "Run, Shithead, Run." But I need it back, because "London's Burning" is on it, and I need to listen to it. I'm not pissed off today, but I need to listen to it.