Back Spasms in 3 Easy Steps

1. Hold all your stress in your back. This is easy to do, so easy, in fact, that I can do it without even thinking about it.

2. Do a lot of heavy physical labor when you're unused to it. Pack up and carry boxes of books from the office into the living room, in preparation for taking them to your storage unit.

3. Let your best friend's 5-year-old son jump all over you and make "sneak attacks" until he falls and smashes your left breast, causing it to hurt almost as much as a mammogram.

Voila! Back spasms! :)

If that's not enough agony, here's how to add to it.

Take some Tylenol while you're at your best friend's house. Then when you get home, take a prescription pain pill. Find out that you're suddenly allergic to it, where you weren't before, and begin itching. Take some Benadryl in an attempt to stop the itching. Scratch, scratch, scratch, look at the clock, realize you have to get up in three hours and you haven't slept yet. Scratch some more. Take some more Benadryl. Scratch, scratch, scratch, look at the clock, realize you have to get up in 15 minutes. Cry.

Go to work where you can't take Benadryl because it makes you sleepy and you're already sleepy. Try to keep your eyes open, even though you have finished all of your work by 8:15. Itch, but you can't scratch because you're at work and don't want anyone to think you have lice.

Whee! Sounds fun, huh? Okay, so I really did enjoy the physical labor I did on Saturday. It was very satisfying to make significant headway in getting my home office cleared out so that within another week I'll actually be able to use it as a home office.

I also really enjoyed letting T. jump all over me and make sneak attacks. He couldn't get wrap his head around the fact that loudly announcing a sneak attack kind of takes away from the surprise element, but it was fun nonetheless. I like to call him Zerbert Boy, and give him zerberts when he's not expecting them. I have a special place in my heart for T. See, when I was doing my IVF, C. got pregnant. Being the completely awesomely coolest best friend ever that she is, she didn't announce it at first because she wanted me to get all the attention. Then when I lost my babies, C. didn't want to tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. But she did, and it did hurt--not because she was pregnant, but because I had lost my own little ones. When T. was born, I went to see them at the hospital and just thought I was going to die. But I had gone to the hospital for all of C.'s babies except the first two (who were born before I knew C.), and felt like it was important to go that time. C. is so cool that I was able to be honest with her about how I felt, and is even cooler because, not being a dummy in any way, already knew how I felt and appreciated how hard it was.

In fact, I need to talk more about C. She has 6 children, 5 of whom are still living. Her first son died as a baby, and it was a crushing blow to her. Then she had a daughter, A., followed by four sons. Her second son has cystic fibrosis, and when she got the diagnosis, Joe and I went over to her house and wept right along with her. C. is a writer of fantasy fiction, and a very good one. And she is the truest friend that anyone could ever hope to have. She's an angel, and I'm so glad to have her as a best friend!