Life as a Fat Woman

I've been planning for years to write a book on what it's like to be fat. Of course, I figure that there are plenty of people out there who know what it's like. And since I have decided that I don't want to be fat anymore, I'm working on getting rid of the weight.

When we take monumental journeys, like losing much, much weight, sometimes when we arrive at the destination, we forget what it was like to try to get there. So I decided to keep this blog and chronicle my journey.

Background: I've been fat for years. Many years. In 2000-2001, I lost about 70 pounds, which got me a little more than halfway to my goal weight. However, due to complications with treatment for endometriosis, I began gaining back. And once I started gaining, it all came back with a little interest.

I'm not sure what made me decide that it was time to do this for once and for all, but I did. On Monday, November 7th, I went and joined Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time. This time, though, I did it by myself, for myself, and don't really care if anyone joins me or not. That sounds nasty, and I don't mean it to be nasty. What I mean is that previously I had gone because a friend was going, and I thought the support would be nice. And it was, but if the friend had to quit going for some reason, I quit, too. That was no reason to go to Weight Watchers. And there were other times that I joined briefly but the stresses of my life at the time seemed overwhelming. And there were plenty of times that I just mentally said, the heck with it; I like to eat and I'll just stay fat.

So when I went on Monday, November 7th, 2005, I weighed in at an appalling 277 pounds. The first week was hellish. My points target was 31 points per day, and I had a flexible allowance of 35 points to use or not use throughout the week, as I chose. My first two days, I used a total of 81 points each day!!! I made my goal for that week to write everything down, and try not to judge myself. By the 7th day, I had gotten to within 5 points of my target. I was stunned to learn that I lost two pounds.

My goal the second week was to continue writing everything down, and to use no more than 40 flex points. I achieved that goal, and was rewarded with a three pound weight loss. It was easier the second week, and I was grateful for that.

My goal the third week was to continue writing everything down (that will be my goal all the way through, because it makes all the difference in the world for me) and to exercise at least three times. I did not meet my exercise goal because I was fighting a nasty head cold, and had enough trouble breathing without exercising. I did exercise one day, though. However, Thanksgiving was that week. I researched ahead of time to find out how many points different food items contained, and decided what I did and didn't want to eat based on the value of the points. I got up that morning, and had a bowl of raisin bran and skim milk for breakfast. I snacked on a few crackers around lunchtime, but did not eat anything else. That meant that when I went to dinner with my family at Mimi's Cafe at 4 p.m., I still had a lot of points available. I used them, and a few flex points, but I ate what I wanted and had a great dinner. I also paid attention to my comfort level, and left about 1/3 of my pumpkin pie (a thing never before heard of, believe me!). The next day was also a little higher points than I'd have liked, as I went to the movies twice, once with my sister and once with my husband. But I kept track of everything, wrote everything down, and ended the week with 4 1/2 unused flex points. When I weighed in on Monday night, I had lost another pound and a half. That makes a total of 6.5 pounds so far, and I couldn't be happier.

I am so determined to succeed this time. I don't ever, ever, ever want to gain this weight back. I've been analyzing what I can do to make this journey different. Definitely writing everything down is a big one. In the past, I would write things down as long as I was being "good," but as soon as I fell off the wagon, I quit writing. What I've learned is that frequently when I fall off the wagon, I don't do as much damage as I thought. But when I quit tracking it, the damage increases exponentially. So that's a big key.

Another thing that is very important for my success is that I attend the meetings. I get a lot out of them. I almost get more benefit from eavesdropping on other conversations before the meeting starts, but either way, it helps a lot.

There are a group of 7 lifetime members who attend every week. That must be a key to success as well. So I'm putting that down on my to-do list: when I make lifetime, keep going!!!

I think, too, that this blog will help. Even if no one else reads it, I will. And keeping track of the journey will help me succeed.